15 years ago, I officially quit figure skating. Since then, and probably due to that difficult decision, I went back on the ice to start my career, reclaimed my love for the sport and proceeded to skate more than I ever did as a young athlete. I found success in the sport like I never had, improved more than I could have imagined, became more involved in the figure skating community and ended up pushing myself to become an elite athlete. I'm sure that I would have never ventured down this path had I not decided to quit skating all those years ago. Perhaps my path would have led me to extraordinary experiences had I continued to skate, but my actual journey has been atypical and, well, interesting to say the least. In many ways, it's shaped me to be the person who I am today.
No matter how much skating I've done since then, I still consider 1995 the year that I quit figure skating. All of my on-ice adventures in the past little while have been...I'm not sure what I can call it. A hobby? A whim? A chance to strive for something that I never imagined possible?
Right now, I'm at a crossroads. There's nothing more that I can aim for. At this moment, there isn't an outlet for the type of skating that I wish to pursue or at the calibre that I need given where my life has taken me for the moment. In the summer, I may be able to get some ice time and work on my next goal (although, not quite at the same kind of level as my other most recent ones). The most plausible solution for the time being, which I've kind of ended up doing, is to stop skating altogether, but it's been difficult. I have managed to find another outlet to distract myself from the skating void and it was going pretty well until just recently, when I had to confront my demons. I still feel like there's more to accomplish, but I have to try to see the light at the end of the tunnel and focus on all the other wonderful things that I have due to my decision to, ummm, not quit (because that's what I did in 1995), but take a break from skating.
It's hard to stop altogether when you've got a lovely pair of skates in your closet with fancy blades that you invested in. I just got home from the rink. It's the second time that I've been skating since the big break up (that's what it feels like). Tonight was much better than the first time. I was so proud of myself. I did everything that I could do 15 years ago. I think it will help me to get over my break up by going back to the mindset that I'm a freeskater. I just happen to be a freeskater with dance blades. The sooner I forget about turns and footwork, the faster I can get over my sadness. I was so proud that I landed a bunch of 2Lo. I admit that I didn't try any combinations tonight, but I was so happy at everything else that I did do.
I am happy to still be involved in the sport, just at a different capacity - I guess it's only normal to go through a period of adjustment after you quit. Albeit 15 years after the fact. Maybe if I continue to focus on my off-ice skating goals, I'll start to forget about the on-ice ones that were out of my control. The only problem is that I'm not sure how much control I have over these goals either.
But the most important thing is that I can still jump! I can't believe it. After all this time...I've still got it!
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