Five Little Indians

 Five Little Indians, by Michelle Good.

I just finished reading this book. It's one of the best books I've read in awhile. I mean, I know I don't read a lot, but this one stands out. I woke up at 2.45am, for some reason, unable to sleep. I haven't been sleeping too well recently. Anyway, I was about 3/4 done this book and thought that this might be a good time to finish it.

Some of the earlier chapters were tough. But important. There were chapters that seemed hopeful. I'm glad.

Everyone should read this book. Or at least, know about our history and its implications.

The book is about residential schools and their survivors. It is about family and community. It is about trauma and inter-generational trauma. There is substance abuse, sexual assault, and suicide. 

Related, but by no means a comparison to communities who are deeply affected and effected by residential schools, I'm reflecting on the difference between trauma and discomfort. I think of people who get uncomfortable and mistake it for trauma. I absolutely believe trauma to be real (I surely live with it, and thankfully on a much smaller scale than others), but feel ______ (still working on identifying my emotions) about those who aren't willing to sit with their discomfort. To unpack it. To turn the attention inwards.

Changing topics again (maybe this is what happens when you can't sleep), I have been trying to read again. I'm trying to be intentional in my reading. My recent books were:
- The Reason You Walk, by Wab Kinew
- Interior Chinatown, by Charles Yu
- Klara and the Sun, by Kazuo Ishiguro

Up next will be Motorcycles & Sweetgrass, by Drew Hayden Taylor. I had actually watched this video a couple years ago and didn't put two and two together until I was doing a little digging with regards to my booklist.

- picture courtesy of www.chapters.indigo.ca

Passing judgment

When an instructor at the gym doesn't mirror their actions/motions when facing the people attending class, I judge them.

It's a sign

Work is closed for a couple of weeks, but I still have access to the building. I came in to work today because, well, I have work to do.
So they turned the heating off. Even my bonus sweater and woollen socks that I keep at the office aren't doing anything for me. My fingers and toes are so cold that they hurt. And I think I'm getting a headache from the cold too.
I was planning to come in all this week. I'm not sure what I should do - pack a blanket, and wear my Moon Boots and parka?
Of course the logical thing would be to stay home and if I really need to work, do it at home, but I've tried really hard to separate the two. And work needs to be done.

wallpaper.com and blah

I'm not sure why I didn't have website for Wallpaper* Magazine bookmarked prior to last week. I'm really enjoying what it has to offer.

And vaguely related, why am I posting so much today? Procrastinating on the thesis? Eek. The past two weeks have been good. I'm getting into a groove but my fingers aren't going as fast as I would like them to. Or maybe I should be concerned that's I'm only a third through the themes for my Findings chapter and I'm at about 100 pages. I'm in for a bumpy ride. My thesis is going to be a great doorstopper.

Bloody sponsors

I get that without them, the Olympics might not even happen, but it irks me to no end that these companies are letting prime seats go to waste when there are avid fans who pay big bucks for worse seats and/or can't even get tickets. I saw it first hand in Torino. Before than, I really was naive enough to not realize that that's how the world worked. My earlier post from those games and even notes from that post actually showed that I thought that people just didn't buy tickets. Little did I know. Sigh. It was quite upsetting to me and it seems as though things won't be changing anytime soon.

Sherry Turkle: Connected, but alone?

Sherry Turkle says everything that I've been thinking these past couple of years as technology innovations have become mainstream. Sure, I deeply respect the benefits of these technologies, but the issues that Ms. Turkle shares really concern me. As someone who is actively bucking these technologies, I thought I was alone in my thoughts. And as someone in a field that is really advocating for pushing forward with these advances (although, I would think that most fields engage in these innovations), I feel conflicted. By no means do I think these advances should be banished from our existence, but I'm uneasy about how it will change our society. As an individual who is sentimental and appreciative of our past and certain values and norms, maybe I'm flawed to not just accept an inevitable shift. I know I can be resistant to change, and I can't help but be reminded of the words of educational theorist Paulo Freire, "Change is difficult, but possible", but these words were written to refer to a positive change. Do the benefits of these advances outweigh the drawbacks? I'm not sure.
Having watched the video, my tension with the matter has not been resolved, but I am glad that the debate is out there. I didn't think it was.

(Thanks b, for passing this along.)
A related post.

A woman's woes

I'm not really sure how to process these two articles from The Atlantic. Separately, and in relation to one another.

Hmm...

"Many men admire strong women, but they do not love them..."
- Elsa Schiaparelli

MapAttack!

This event by Newmindspace for North by Northeast sounds like fun. Shame that I don't have an i-phone nor Android. My accessibility radar is having a field day. It's funny how it's just kind of assumed that most people will have one or the other. Way to phase out those Blackberry users and luddites.
I'm really not THAT annoyed, but it's something I think about every so often.

I mean, really.

Is it ridiculous that on a day that was stormy and cold, I saw two girls with attired such that one was wearing 5-inch pumps, bare legs, a mini skirt so short and tight that she had to keep pulling it down so that she could climb the stairs without something going terribly wrong and a Canadian Goose bomber-style parka and the other was wearing 5-inch ankle booties, bare legs and skirt/shorts/dress/anything that was so short that I don't even know what she was wearing because I couldn't see it peeking out from under her mid-thigh length wool coat? YES.

Is it truly that I'm terribly judgmental? Also, a resounding YES.

Gah

It's 4am. I'm still wide awake. I mean, I know people who are soon going to be getting up for work, for goodness sakes. I've tried going to bed, but I just can't turn my brain off. I really need to snap out of this funk.

Seriously

I cannot wrap my head around folks who are tethered to their Blackberry at social functions. And hiding it under the table doesn't make it better. You're like the students who think that teachers can't see you texting from your lap. Instead of looking at your face, all I see is the top of your head. Uh, hello!

What the?!?

Apparently I used up $80 of my pay-as-you-go money last week. And those who know me knows that there's no way that I could have actually done it intentionally. I mean, I barely use my phone at all. The fact that I even have $80 on my account has got to say something about my phone usage. And I still have money left on my account! Darn cell phone doesn't stay locked in my bag.
So. Annoyed.

What a rip off

$25 to check in a piece of luggage? Ridiculous. I'll have to rethink my strategies. My luggage is carry-on-able, but I like checking it in so that I don't have to worry about it while I'm waiting around in the airport and embarking and disembarking the plane. I know that most people like the convenience of grabbing and going, but I don't mind waiting for my luggage too much. Domestic AC flights are really slow to get the luggage out to the carousels at YYZ, but everywhere else I've been hasn't been too bad.
Anyway, $25 is super silly. I might have to downsize my ready-to-go toiletry kit. Or maybe just not take United Airlines again.

Laryngitis

I've lost my voice. It's a teacher's worst nightmare.
What was a nice little cold decided to attack my poor overexposed larynx.
Now that I think back, I can kind of see the progression of how it happened. Coughing on Tuesday morning while I was teaching and using my voice to its full capacity. Tuesday afternoon, throat feeling tired, but unlike what usually happens after a busy day in the classroom.
Wednesday daytime, voice is super sexy and raspy. Chugging warm liquids and styling some scarves. Seems to be getting better as the day goes on and head to my evening class with strategies of how to get the class talking more than me. It's torture, but I survive.
Thursday morning. No voice. Nothing. No sound what soever. It's still such an interesting phenomenon for me. It's not painful, although everyone I try speaking with says that it sounds painful. I am physically speaking the same way that I would any other day, and the same amount of air is coming out, but there no vibrations going on. It's such a strange sensation.
So, it's a virus so there are no drugs I can take to get over it faster. I'm just taking on as many home remedies as I can handle. I hope they don't cancel each other out somehow. I've been told to let my voice rest. Don't speak if possible.
The rest of Thursday was spent trying not to talk, but it's kind of impossible in my field. I wasn't teaching, but when you're around people, you kind have to talk. And there were various meetings and events that I really couldn't just ignore. I did show up 'fashionably late' to one event because I knew that the beginning was a mingling-type situation, so I thought if I could skip that part, it might work out better.
I took this morning off. It was nice to sleep in, because I need it and just haven't been able to afford to do so. So that's a blessing in disguise, but I was supposed to be doing something very important this morning, so I'm frustrate that I had to cancel. And I'm lucky to be working with a very understanding colleague on another project so that freed up part of this afternoon and Monday. So, my strategy is to be a hermit as much as possible for these next couple of days. As I don't have the habit of talking out loud to myself, it's the only way I can possible attempt to not use my voice.
I just desperately want to get my voice back again for Tuesday. I've got a cracking lesson planned that I'd really like to execute.

Degoutant

Vu en L'Avenue des Champs Elysees: La queue a entrer LV etait plus courte que la queue pour entrer dans A&F.

iblahblah

ivivva is not new, but I don't particularly understand why it's necessary. Their mommy company, lululemon said that feedback from customers asked for iblahblah, but I can testify that I regularly see pint-sized, athletic (and non-athletic folk) wearing the clothing, so I think they could have made due charging little ones adult-priced clothing. I know that the price point is vaguely more affordable and that I should be vaguely impressed that iblahblah clothing isn't trying to rip off their customers but the idea still gets me (clearly, if I'm calling it iblahblah). I'm sure I'm going to have to eat my words at some point because I have no doubt that it'll be a big success even for non-yoga enthusiasts (hello, lulu!).
I just find it funny that they try to make a big deal about all of the special features that their product offers...ummmm it's all the same thing as their mommy company has. It seems unnecessary to promote it. And the fact that they try to market it for the active-folks...well, even if it's the basis for their conception I would like their companies (lulu and ivivva) to acknowledge that many (most?!?) folks who wear their products do so for non-active reasons. If they made comments about how their products are sleek, comfortable, flattering, trendy and some other great marketing adjectives, I would be less cynical about their stance.
Nonetheless, I'm interested to see just how big ivivva will get and how quickly. Although I will probably continue to make snide remarks about it, a Canadian success story is never a bad thing.

Reciprocal agreements

I have a major perk from one of the places where I work. I'm able to gain free access to many museums, art galleries and even other attractions all over the place. Most of the places are in Ontario, but this reciprocal agreement also extends to other parts of Canada and even other countries. It's wonderful.
Anyway, I walked by the AGO today to ask about the Abstract Expressionist New York exhibition and apparently, even with my perks I would still have to pay $10 to see the exhibition. The nerve!
Well, I'll just visit the MoMA and see what they have to offer without the $10 fee, thank you very much.

A disappointing workshop

This afternoon, I attended a workshop about networking. It was a complete disappointment. It's not necessarily that I had high expectations, but it's a topic that I think is very important and something that I want to learn more about, improve upon and think that it will be integral in my future.
It was such a horrible workshop. The presenter seemed too confident, too much of an entrepreneur, I was pretty disgusted. I don't feel as though I learned anything from the presentation other than confirming some of my feelings about networking being kind of sleazy. I know it's an important part of life, but I still like to think of it as something that can come from a genuine place. If you think that's naive, too bad. I truly believe that it can be done without that dark side coming out.
The presentation was horribly done. Instead of learning any valuable skills, I felt like a commodity, only there to trade information with others in the room. One could argue that our networking was valuable to our future, but it was ridiculously superficial.
It was a 2.5 hour workshop, and two hours were spent finding out about everyone's career interests one at a time. We learned about all of the wonderful contacts that our presenter could provide for us, and were constantly reminded of the value of LinkedIn (I'm not sure how I feel about this). After a 10 minute break, the final 20 minutes were spent going through a powerpoint presentation in which we learned of all the successes of our presenter and in the last four minutes (seriously) we finally learned some basic networking ideas. I had a conversation with the presenter during the break. She had asked me who she could introduce me to so that I could get closer to my goals, and I honestly couldn't think of anyone, nor was I sure that I wanted to be (at this point, I was already disillusioned by her 2 hour ramblings about who she knew and how she'd be able to introduce us to all of them). It was almost as if her actions backfired, and I didn't even want to be associated to her. As opposed to me wanting to get into her network so that there would be a reciprocal payoff, I wanted to stay as far away as possible.
It was like she thought the only reason I wanted to be there was to get introduced to some important person that may advance my career. Although I'm apparently a green link (sequential thinker, list maker, summarizer, quick witted, don't like wasting time, visual, know what I expect from things, make a beeline for my target - I guess I did learn something, however, it wasn't made clear what the point of this knowledge was...I mean, I already know what I am), I wanted to learn more about the process rather than get just a name out of the workshop. I told her this, and although she kept saying "what can I do to help you", I got no help other than being reminded of mundane etiquette that everyone in my world knows. I was told about all of the wonderful things that I do, which doesn't seem helpful, because I do them already, so why bother telling me about it. Whether they are conscious or unconscious things, I do them, so tell me about the things that I don't do. When asked what I wanted to learn about (this was done in another round-about way that talked about things that I already knew about), we both agreed that it wouldn't be helpful to learn about obvious basics (that she proceeded to outline and explain in great detail - this woman is so ridiculously ineffective!), so I proceeded to tell her that sometimes you don't know what you don't know so you can't articulate exactly what you want to learn. I think it's her responsibility as the 'expert' to be able to provide us with that next step and be able to tell us (from her prolific experience) what more we need to learn. Is this where I'm supposed to toot my own horn and admit that I'm lucky that I've had a variety of experiences and opportunities to learn and develop the skills that were being (but I really don't think were) presented in this workshop and since I already have the skills and knowledge about all this stuff, that's why I felt do annoyed by the sub-par performance?
Ugh. I was so annoyed. I wanted to get up and leave.
The write-up about the workshop was completely misleading. Instead of learning about networking, I wasted 2.5 hours of my life and felt sorry for all the rest of the people who were subject to the presenter's wrath. I have no doubt that she's successful, but she does it in a way that is completely different than I would ever do. I may never be a millionaire like she is, but I much more comfortable in the way that I view life and other people. Sometimes workshops are ridiculous. I wonder if I'm more judgmental of presenters because of the field that I'm in. And I feel like my rant isn't really explaining the situation. If only I was more eloquent. Maybe I should attend a workshop about that.

Schiessen!

Who do I cheer for now?