Five Little Indians

 Five Little Indians, by Michelle Good.

I just finished reading this book. It's one of the best books I've read in awhile. I mean, I know I don't read a lot, but this one stands out. I woke up at 2.45am, for some reason, unable to sleep. I haven't been sleeping too well recently. Anyway, I was about 3/4 done this book and thought that this might be a good time to finish it.

Some of the earlier chapters were tough. But important. There were chapters that seemed hopeful. I'm glad.

Everyone should read this book. Or at least, know about our history and its implications.

The book is about residential schools and their survivors. It is about family and community. It is about trauma and inter-generational trauma. There is substance abuse, sexual assault, and suicide. 

Related, but by no means a comparison to communities who are deeply affected and effected by residential schools, I'm reflecting on the difference between trauma and discomfort. I think of people who get uncomfortable and mistake it for trauma. I absolutely believe trauma to be real (I surely live with it, and thankfully on a much smaller scale than others), but feel ______ (still working on identifying my emotions) about those who aren't willing to sit with their discomfort. To unpack it. To turn the attention inwards.

Changing topics again (maybe this is what happens when you can't sleep), I have been trying to read again. I'm trying to be intentional in my reading. My recent books were:
- The Reason You Walk, by Wab Kinew
- Interior Chinatown, by Charles Yu
- Klara and the Sun, by Kazuo Ishiguro

Up next will be Motorcycles & Sweetgrass, by Drew Hayden Taylor. I had actually watched this video a couple years ago and didn't put two and two together until I was doing a little digging with regards to my booklist.

- picture courtesy of www.chapters.indigo.ca

"Can I charge my therapy to the university?" and other 'fun' titles

Never did a Table of Contents feel like my truth.

I'm hesitant to read the book for fear that it will re-traumatize me. It's a tough balance between reaffirming that I am not alone and self-preservation. I know that there's tons of literature about this topic for me to consume (I've only skimmed the surface in my efforts, and that has already taken me through a range of emotions)...I have to pace myself.

Upcycling a paper carrier bag

I really appreciated seeing the process of putting together this bag. Lots of respect for all the artisans out there.

Created by Hahns Atelier.

A poem for me to remember

 Someone sent this to me recently. I'm posting it here in case I need to look it up at some point.

Give your daughters difficult names. Names that command the full use of the tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name does not allow me to trust anyone who cannot pronounce it right.
      —Warsan Shire

Ramblings (April 29, 2021)

What to say. I am definitely feeling pandemic fatigue. While I certainly am privileged to be in a low-risk household, be able to work from home, have a stable and comfortable income, and have access to a vaccine (I got my first Pfizer shot yesterday), living through a pandemic isn't terribly enjoyable. I am doing my best to follow the government mandated guidelines and thus do not have the interactions, distractions, and stimulation that, even as the introvert that I am, turns out I appreciate. Anyway, nothing to be done about it. Just doing my part and hoping that things will evolve for the better.

I am not so motivated to be active, which kind of sucks. It's gone in waves (like a lot of things). There were a couple stints of regular activity, including youtube videos and scheduled exercise routines. Since I've moved back into my own place, I haven't felt keen on doing anything and haven't forced myself to do it (which just might be the only way to ensure that something happens at this point). I tried to do a couple longer walks and regular trips to the grocery store is another way I get out and walk. I even did a little bit of stairs in my building (a little limited though given that we only have access to certain floors in our building). For a couple weeks, I've gone for (a) bike ride(s) on the weekend. I often hope that once I'm out and about, I feel better and am glad that I got going, but it doesn't always end up that way (which is tough, because then there really isn't that payoff that you hope to get). I like moving and I think I've always been relatively active, so this feels different. Admittedly, a lot of my activities have been scheduled (e.g., classes) so there's some accountability or added incentive in terms of the cost and commitment, but I still would have thought that any activities would feel good. So it's a little disappointing that I'm not getting the (endorphin) kick that I would have expected. I suppose there will always be things in life that you don't necessarily enjoy, but you still (need to) do them.

I have been thinking about that recently. How much in my life will I need to take action? Do something that I don't particularly feel like doing. Take risks (or what feel like risks to me). Push myself out of my comfort zone. I've been reflecting on that because I feel that up to recently, things have been going ok. I'm sure in my life thus far, I'd done things all of the above. But I am currently at a place in my life that I'm not loving life as much as I used to. So, (in adult life) does the balance change in terms of the amount of 'the stuff above' that you need to do to maintain the same 'love of life'? While life wouldn't always be a cake-walk and nothing's perfect, I'm having a hard time figuring out whether I need to (force myself to) step up more (than I want to), or that there's something else in my current like that I can change that will make the difference that I'm hoping for.

I'm going to change the topic now.

I've been passing the time by watching TV shows (and then often falling down the youtube rabbit hole to watch featurettes, cast interviews, and panels). In addition to whatever shows that I've kind of been keeping up with whenever they're available to be streamed on TV provider's websites (e.g., Grey's Anatomy, Law and Order SVU, Big Brother, Survivor), I had started watching Fresh off the Boat (even before the pandemic started and was just waiting on the final season), Cheer, The Good Place, Chef's Table - Volume 1, Never Have I Ever, Schitt's Creek, Black-ish (although now I just have to wait), Mixed-ish (again, just have to wait), Grown-ish (although, it's my least favourite of the 'ish' world and I'm not sure I will continue with it), Kim's Convenience, and most recently, Superstore. There might have been others that I can't seem to remember anymore. Anyway, I need to find a new show. I had watched some full-length films towards the beginning of the pandemic, but I'm finding the length of them to be too much of a mental commitment for me right now. That doesn't mean that I haven't watched 3-5 episodes of shows back to back though. Somehow the shorter burst are just easier for me to take in right now. I also found that I was more interested in watching films that were comedies or generally, lighter content. Seems the same for my TV shows.

After watching the trailer for Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, which I'm kind of excited to watch that when it comes out (#representationmatters - but more about that later), I was thinking that I could go through the Marvel Comic Universe films from the beginning in preparation. I've only watched 3 or 4 films from the list so I'm clearly not big follower/fan, but I think it might be a fun activity. I like action films, I like big blockbusters, watching them in relatively close succession might be fun to try to look for Easter Eggs or make whatever rudimentary connections I can not really knowing much about anything. I'm not sure that I will watch all of the films, but got recommendations from friends who know and might instead work my way through their curated list. We'll see how it goes.

In addition to the brain fog from the pandemic, I have brain fog from attending to race, equity, identity (and whatever other words fit - I'm still working on my vocabulary). Though it's been building for a couple years now (I mean, realistically, it's probably been brewing for my entire life, but the past 6 years saw some intense acceleration), this year (I follow the academic calendar, not the Gregorian calendar), I've had the time and space to engage with these issues more explicitly and meaningfully. Some times are really great (a weak word, but I'm not sure what would make the most sense here - again, I'm still working on my vocabulary and identifying emotions), other times have been quite difficult and overwhelming. As a result of life and world events, I'm getting an extra influx of ____ (media, attention, resources, etc.). It's a work in progress. But through that, I've consciously realized that (here's the connection to the above) #representationmatters (to me), so am keen to find ____ (TV shows, films, media, etc.) to engage with that will fill that need. And I am now conscious of why I got excited about the animated film Mulan and Michelle Kwan back in the day. And more recently, when jumping on the Raptor bandwagon, getting particularly excited when Jeremy Lin got on the court (I know I missed Linsanity). So yeah, I'm excited for Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. 

And even looking at my list of TV shows that I've recently taken up indicates that I'm _____ (craving? interested in? excited for?) options with people of colour. And I'm always connecting more dots. When going through the full catalogue to create my short-list of films to watch at festivals, films about identity seemed to come up. I remember the first time that it came up as a key word when I was going through my short list and didn't quite understand what it meant and was perplexed as to why it seemed to be a pattern for me. But it does make sense. Turns out, I've been grappling with my identity for well, I guess it would have to be my lifetime (consciously or not, and actively or not). And if I think back and reflect on my life, it really has been a common thread. One of the last times that I spoke with a therapist, she had commented on this theme. In particular, she spoke about my tension of being a first generation Canadian, and daughter of East Asian immigrants. So race and gender of course factor into my experience and my journey to clarify my identity and place in the world.

I think I'll stop there.

Lays Chips Roasted Bree Milk Tea Flavour

Here's another one for you. The English label on the bag says "Roasted Bree Milk Tea Flavour", but the picture and a little bit of googling makes me think that it's crème brûlée. I like crème brûlée. I actually like it a lot. Crème brûlée and milk tea...I'm not so sure about. Also, given the outcome of the other chips that I recently tried, I'm a little worried. But I feel like snacking so here goes.

Shoving my nose into the bag, it smells sweet. Caramel-ish? It doesn't smell bad. I would eat a dessert that smelled like that. But this is a chip. Maybe I'm thrown off because I've been conditioned to think that chips are salty. And then I have to contend with these two bags.

The flavour...what the heck is this? It's not offensive, so that's good. Similar to the other bag, it doesn't taste how it smells. This one has a very mild taste, but yet again, I can't place it. There's a strange mouth feel - bitter (maybe the tea)? No, that's not it. Metallic? Chemically? Something that's coating the tongue? It's very bizarre.

They're not horrendous though, am I'm still eating them. I don't think they're as good as the classic North American flavours (actually, and the British flavours that I sampled), but it's hard to say if that's a sweet versus salty influence. Are there potato items that are sweet? Maybe I'm just not used to the sweet and potato combination.

I'll finish this bag. It's sort of hitting the spot. I don't think it tastes like crème brûlée and/or milk tea in particular, but how many chip flavours actually taste like what they're supposed to be if you think about it. Or, I could just have a weak palate. I think these are kind of salty, actually. And there definitely is a flavour to them. I think I'm getting that earthy 'tea' flavour as an aftertaste. I suppose the sweet-ish flavour I'm initially getting is the "bree" or crème brûlée? It's just not totally coming through.

I'd say, try this one. And see if you can figure out the flavour. I mean, I'd say try the other one too, because I think it's worth trying everything, but this one, at least I can enjoy.

Lays Chips Iced Coffee Oolong Milk Tea Flavour

I like exploring. I was exploring cheese for awhile (I'd still like to keep exploring cheeses), but the fact that I can explore chip flavours such as this kind of shows the difference in what's accessible and available to me now. I mean, I definitely didn't explore as much as I could have for the past 6 years, but I did explore in some ways but I'm skeptical that even if I'd put forth more effort, I would have come across these chips.

Anyway, the English label (I'm illiterate in Chinese) that was added on the chip bag indicates that these are Iced Coffee Oolong Milk Tea Flavour. Before I saw the label, I wondered if it was grass jelly (because of the jelly cubes in the bowl), but I guess not. Do people put coffee and tea together? Is that a thing?

I don't know if I've had coffee flavoured, or tea flavoured chips before. I'm assuming that they will be sort of sweet? I don't know if I've had sweet chips before.

Ok. Well, that was weird. I just opened the bag, and was immediately hit with a coffee smell...maybe with a dash of tea (?!?), but definitely coffee. The chips...they taste like nothing I've ever had before. They don't taste like coffee. They don't taste like tea. They don't taste like the smell that I got when I opened the bag (in fact, when I shove my nose back into the bag that initial coffee smell is gone). They have a sweet taste. Kind of caramel-ish? They are pretty crunchy. Like, maybe more crunchy that regular chips? It's almost like they feel thicker? Maybe I'm just making that up.

So the bag's been sitting here for awhile (I was just facetiming with a friend for the past hour). And I haven't been tempted to continue eating them (which is a big deal, because usually when I open a bag of chips, I eat the whole bag in one sitting). The smell had kind of settled to a Coffee Crisp-type of scent (which I guess sort of fits). I just ate another chip. And it's still a weird taste that doesn't match the smell. There's definitely an aftertaste in my mouth, which could be tea-ish. I mean, it's sort of earthy?

Needless to say, I'm not terribly impressed with these chips. I definitely wouldn't get them again. They are...curious.

March 30, 2021

 I live in a pocket of very tall buildings. There are a lot more buildings than there were the last time I lived here and at the time, I felt like there wasn't much in the way of restaurants and shops. And still a lot of empty lots that I knew would eventually become really tall buildings. It wasn't an issue though, because I had a Metropass and happily took public transportation here and there, even hopping on the streetcar for a stop or two, because, why not?

Now, most of those empty lots are filled, and as I said recently, it feels like a completely different space.

Maybe there actually is more stuff then there was before, but when walking around this morning, there seemed to be quite a lot. It requires a 10-15 minute walk past a bunch of tall buildings, but there is actually a lot more than I thought there was. In my head, that 10 minute walk is such a barrier, but I think I'm the barrier. It's not as bad as I think, and I just need to get over myself and get out there. It's easy for me to get comfortable in my abode and now go out. And somehow it seems even more onerous to have to ride an elevator to get out of my place as opposed to just opening the front door.

Even places to get groceries that I had thought were just a little too far for my liking are actually equidistant to the set up that I has been doing for the past 6 years. Sure, most of that time was taking the bus, but during the pandemic, I was walking and it wasn't that bad. It actually felt nice to go. I was also the spring and summer, so that probably helped, but the point is that I was doing it regularly and it wasn't "too out of the way" then, so it shouldn't be too out of the way now. 

I've said that I feel like I'm re-learning. But this time around (and it's been a theme that's taken over the past 5 years or so) it's like I'm trying to get over a fear. I'm not sure that fear is the right word, but it's on the side of hesitancy, or trepidation. I'm still not great at identifying emotions. But I can identify that it's a different feeling than how I used to feel. I used to feel like a curious and wondrous explorer. There have been many times over the past 6 years that I've said "I used to be". And I wonder, am I a different person? (I mean, yes, of course, I'm different. Time's passed, I have to have changed.) But, have I lost certain characteristics that I felt were core to my identity, and characteristics that I valued and appreciated? Or, if I've just been shaken up a little bit, will those characteristics come back? I don't think it's that I'm living in the past. I'm absolutely nostalgic (I've had a great life!) and think fondly about different stages of my life. It's not necessarily that I want to go back to a previous time (although, I want to sit with that thought for a bit more and unpack it), but that I want to hold on to some things. Yes, I miss having that jet set lifestyle I had when I first started this blog, but as much as I'd love to have a lot of that 'life' right now, I actually don't want to have that life now and forever. But I want the parts of me and some of those feelings/emotions that I had. I'm just using that as an example, but there really are personal attributes that I felt like were me and they seem a little less (I want to remain positive, so I will assume they're still there) prevalent. But there are times that I truly wonder. They don't feel accessible. And at time that I think they would resurface, or with certain efforts to try to get there...it just doesn't happen. People have told me I'm still me. They're still there. It'll just take some time. It'll come. I want to believe, but maybe people actually do change and I'm changed. Maybe this is my new reality and I just need to accept it? Anyway, we'll see what happens.

Also, how do people meet new people? Can/does it happen just out and about? Today, when I was walking, someone just stopped me and said 'hello'. They tried to strike up a conversation, albeit (in my interpretation), rather awkwardly. It concluded with a suggestion to grab a coffee. I declined. There were many thoughts going on through my mind. I thought about the fact that my plan was to get home so that I could get work done. It's a weekday, and I try to work on weekdays. But, technically, I didn't have a meeting until much later in the day and there was nothing urgent that I didn't to get to. So, was I being reasonable (with myself) in saying that work was stopping me from saying yes? I thought about the fact that it's a pandemic and that gathering with people for coffee might not be ideal. But technically, it was just one other person and we could have sat outside. So, was I being reasonable (with myself) in saying that the pandemic was stopping me from saying yes? I know (as a fact) that I've been so well trained to be skeptical (that's actually putting it mildly) of strangers, which is related to the fact that I'm a woman, and even more heightened by the fact that the stranger was a man. So, was I being reasonable (with myself) in saying that them being a stranger kept me from saying yes? Yet, meeting a new person and making a connection are both things that intrigue me. I'm going to think about it a little bit more.

Relatedly, saying "yes" is something I've thought about as well. Yes day, week of yes, month of yes, year of yes...is this reasonable and realistic? Can their be rules, guidelines, and/or boundaries to this? Or does that defeat the purpose? I suppose it's important to first identify the purpose. I'm going to think about this a little bit more as well.

March 23, 2021

 I just came back from a walk. I haven't been out a lot recently - it just hasn't been a priority. But I'm trying to make it one. As I continue to re-familiarize myself with my surroundings, I'm trying to take different paths (even if going to the same place). I tend to do that anyway (I think I get bored with the same scenery, or put with a positive spin, I'm interested in exploring), but I'm hoping that the more ground I cover, the more settled I'll feel.

I am looking around a lot as I walk. I think more than most people do. I wonder if people notice. Do they wonder why, instead of looking ahead, I'm looking all around. And not even just with my eyes, I know my whole head is moving. It could be that I look like a tourist, but I 'feel' like I've even more extreme. Like, tourists would stop, perhaps take pictures...whereas I'm still moving. Moving but constantly looking. And staring. I suppose I could stop, but I feel like I would be constantly stopping. In some ways I feel like a child. A child who is seeing things for the first time. And I suppose I am seeing a lot of things for the first time. They weren't there the last time I walked these streets. Or they look totally different with this pandemic light. But I feel that I'm not behaving in the socially/culturally accepted way. I am STARING. But I'm ok with that. I mean, I' am clearly thinking about it, but I'm gonna do me. And I'm ok with me.

I walked by a COVID-19 Vaccination Clinic today. It made me feel something (I'm still working on identifying my emotions, and more specifically, developing my vocabulary). I don't know what it looked like inside the building, but there were lines outside. Lines of elderly people. They could have been my grandparents (I wish I had grandparents). Or, actually, my parents (my dad got his first shot two weeks ago, and my mom was supposed to get her first this morning - I'll need to check how that went). Most, if not all of the folks were in pairs. Were they both getting their shots? Was one there for moral support? Was one a caregiver? Were they two people, but going through live together? Some seemed to provide physical support. Those taking slow and tentative steps. Those who needed a hand or an arm. The front-line staff went from person to person, confirming their appointment time...and asking if anyone needed a chair to sit on. Several folks in the line had chairs. Around the corner and down the stairs, was another line for accessible access. More folks with grey and white hair. More folks with stooped backs. More folks with masks. It made me feel a lot of feelings - thinking a lot about the past year. Thinking about the vaccinations that were going on in that building and all around the world. 

I read books, magazines, newspapers, blogs, etc. I watch TV, youtube, movies, etc. I listen to the radio, conversations, etc. But somehow when I see it, really just see it in front of me. That's when I feel the most feels.

A new chapter

 Coming up with a title for this post took more energy than expected. I decided to just write something and not put too much into it so that I could get to writing the post itself. At the end of the day, coming up with the "best" title probably isn't the most important thing. Coming up with a title that I can live with and getting to actually posting something is more important for me.

I had thought of starting to write/post/blog again in the fall. The fall had marked an "official" new chapter in my life and thought it might be a nice time to start back up again. But it didn't become a priority. Then I thought that January might be a good time to start again. A new year (if following the Gregorian calendar), so another way to mark a new beginning. But it still didn't become a priority. 

Then I kind of thought about March 13th as a date that I would try again. The date in 2020 that things in my world officially shut down due to the COIVD-19 pandemic. A year in and still going. So a date on which to reflect. 

And while the pandemic has been devastating in many ways, I am also grateful. For me, the pandemic resulted in a forced break and distance from some things that were having a very negative impact on me. Without the pandemic, I'm sure I would have managed (because that's just what would have happened), but I'm grateful for the intervention. It was a pause. A stop. An eject. Things had already boiled over, but I just kept going. And I already had some things in place for the fall that I was hoping would help, but getting some relief in March instead was much appreciated.

The initial isolation was fine, well, it was actually good. I rested. I started my recovery. Actually, I'm not sure if I was ready to recover yet, I think I was more at a place of just stopping the damage. The pandemic gave me (personally, and to others) the permission to prioritize myself. Well, it's true that perhaps before the pandemic, had I prioritized myself in my interactions with others, I may have been equally accepted, so it might have been more of a personal issue, but to some extent, I believe that personal dilemma was a result of social conditioning and external pressures. The shut down resulted in a change in my schedule. I also didn't have to face (literally) many of my triggers. And for the most part, I could choose when I wanted to engage. I want to pause here and say that I recognize my privilege and how fortunate I am/was to be in a situation where the pandemic led to these positive implications (including even having a job to begin with).

The pandemic also facilitated better social connections. Ironically, the pandemic led me to be more social. Reaching out to folks to see how they were doing led to setting up Zoom, Skype, Facetime, and Googlemeet chats. I have touched base more regularly with a friend who lives across the country and was a support even before this 6-year journey, but was literally there when I got the first official notification of the move. I have daily check-ins with a friend who has given me such understanding and reassurance during so many new experiences. I have monthly (virtual) get-togethers with a group whom I haven't regularly kept in touch with over the past 6 years. I have weekly get-togethers with a group whom I know will be there for me when I need them. And there are others. In reality, these connections could have been happening before the pandemic, but life just kind of goes the way it does, and again, I'm grateful that the pandemic stepped in to prompt them to occur. While part of me wonders how things would have unfolded if I had acted on these connections earlier, it doesn't matter because we're in the here and now, and I'm so grateful for where I am now. I hope that I continue to take the initiative to reach out and stay connected.

It's pretty clear that I wasn't in a great place for awhile. I'm better now, but I'm not really where I want to be. Pandemic aside, there are still a lot of unknowns about the future, and that's really unsettling for me. 

I've made some (what I feel are pretty significant) decisions that I hope will result in positive change. That being said, they are not decisions that I had wanted or expected to have to make in my life. And while I said earlier that no matter when, I will manage, I've never wanted to be the person who "manages", rather my personal expectation and assumption was to "thrive". What I envisioned "thriving" to look like, isn't really happening (or doesn't seem like a possibility). So we'll see how things will unfold.

It's kind of hard (for me) to revise what almost 40 years of an impression of what "thriving" looks like. But I'm moving forward. I have no choice. Something's happening. I'm trying to find my way. And I'm trying to find myself. From time to time, I notice differences. So those moments are reassuring. Other times can be tough. But generally speaking, I'm doing better. 

So here I am, in a different place (physically, emotionally, mentally...). We'll see what happens next. I'm taking things one day at a time, and learning to be kind to myself. It's/I'm a work in progress.

5 years of...something...

The past five years have been big. For SO many reasons that I can't get into at this point (e.g., not wanting to take the time, not having fully processed it all), and while it's been uncomfortable at times (and has had a direct impact on reducing the frequency of blog posts), I guess (optimism?!?) it's made me a better/strong/whatever person and regardless, it happened so I have to accept it.
I feel very fortunate to have grown up in Scarborough. It's a great city. I had a great childhood. I enjoyed my school experience. I enjoyed my social experience. I enjoyed my cultural experience. But it's only in the past five years that I wonder if it was too good. That it made me take things for granted. That it sheltered me from some realities.
Now, I did my undergrad in a very different context. And I lived in Europe for a couple years. Sure, I've had a idyllic life, but it's not like I've been in a total bubble.
I think I've been pretty Pollyanna to a lot of things. Naivity, optimism, superficial...not sure what to label it as, but there are many important issues that I'm aware of, but never seemed to internalize. Often if it didn't hit close to home, it was difficult for me to connect to.
That's not to say things haven't happened in my life. Especially explicitly yucky things. I have been called names. I have memories of interactions between my dad and random people on the street. Things that have hurt and have clearly stuck.
I don't know exactly how it all worked out. Was it becoming an adult? Was it the fact that issues are more discussed in public spheres? Was it moving to a different context? Was it academia?
Point is, I've been grappling with things that I never seemed to have grappled with and it's confusing. It's terrifying. It's uncomfortable. It's upsetting.
I wonder if I've been in denial thus far. I wonder if it's real. I wonder what I'm meant to do about it. I wonder how I'm supposed to cope.
I've done a lot of reading (and reflecting) on it all. In particular, today's post was spurred on by this article. But I don't to reduce it to just the messages in the article (I mean, I already have some privileges that others don't and thankfully don't experience things that others do). I'd want to link to so many articles, but also don't want those to be interpreted as the ones representing my dilemma. It's a much bigger thing that I'm vaguely discussing here that (to the extent that I've started writing many post like this in the past and then deleted them) I don't want to be misinterpreted (and I still fear that I will be). I don't have the language to articulate it. I often wonder if I don't fully know what I'm dealing with, but I'm perhaps (or, colleagues assure me) I do know, it's just that I might not be able to communicate about it in a way that I would like. Listen to your gut, they say. My problem is that I have self-doubt, am in denial, and/or .
I have colleagues who work in certain fields that have a particular and definite perspective about the thoughts that I share with them. I'm not sure if I fully agree with their world-views, but I can't ignore it. I want to take bits and pieces. It's complex. My interpretation of their views is that it's not. (Apologies. That's simplifying it too much - they definitely think it's complex, but the base of the situation seems straightforward.)
Anyway, I'm starting to loose steam. Not sure how to end this post. The doubt is creeping in. I don't want to seem like I'm blaming anyone/anything (although, I also feel the need to pinpoint the "problem" to help me make sense of it all). I don't want to point a finger. I need to be more courageous. Not be so scared to offend. I think for me, it's because I still feel like I'm processing it all that I don't know what kind of stand/message/voice I have.
So yeah. I guess that's that.

Airport security

I've traveled enough that going through security is pretty routine. I can be pretty efficient. While there are some things that are consistent no matter where you are, sometimes there are little differences between airports (e.g., taking off shoes, not having to put larger bags in bins). CDG caught me off guard. I didn't have to drink the water out of my 330mL water bottle nor did I need to take my laptop out of my bag. I actually had to ask to confirm that I heard correctly.
So it's not about technology. I can't wait until more airports have this.

An electric scooter near you

Los Angeles has 'em. Frankfurt has 'em. Paris has 'em. (Canada does not have 'em - no wait, Waterloo has 'em.)
It's pretty cool to see these scooters just on street corners, left on the sidewalk, randomly wherever. I know that they don't work until you've ordered one on the app, but my brain just sees them wonders what's stopping someone from just stealing it.
Anyway, it's pretty cool. And because they're so small, they just seem SO convenient. You don't have to worry about finding a parking spot or traffic or anything.

Lounge life - update

Ok, so it'll probably be 13 hours in the lounge...unless my flight gets delayed again.
Fun distraction though, Bernadette Peters is also here. I probably won't tell her how exited I was to see her in Hello, Dolly! and although she was great, I found the show itself pretty disappointing. I probably won't also say that I was also disappointed that I didn't get to see Bette Midler in the role.

Lounge life

(yes, I'm still here)

9 hours in an airport. Yay for delayed flights. Luckily, I have the privilege of using the AC lounge. Anyway, hoping to have a productive work day as a result (although, now that I'm into my 4th hour here, I could really go for a reclining chair or something for a wee nap). Time to have some edamame beans.

Iceland (March 2-8, 2018)

I had the opportunity to visit Iceland earlier this year. Growing up, this country wasn't on my radar. I didn't know much about it, nor in my heyday of traveling, it wasn't on my list of places to go. It was only in the past 10 years or so that it's really hit the mainstream. I'm impressed at the efforts that the country has done to boost their economy. I remember a moment in time where it seemed that everywhere I turned, there was an advertisement promoting it as a stopovers destination between North America to Europe. And then just hearing more and more people talk about their travels there.
Although a small country, there is so much to see. I only had a couple days to really explore and stayed in the area around Reykjavik. I took a couple bus tours to visit some sights further out of town, but felt like I had just scratched the surface. I didn't explore any parts in the north of the country.
Anyway, below are just some photo highlights of my trip. I would most definitely like to go back. I wouldn't mind going back again in the winter, but I would also like to go back in the spring/summer to enjoy the green and sheep that apparently wander around.

In an around Reykjavik, I did a lot of window shopping (by far, my favourite was Geysir). I always feel tempted to buy blankets. The wool blankets were beautiful, but how many blankets can one have? I already have more blankets than are necessary...
In thinking about a souvenir and/or something special to pick up as a memento from the trip, I thought about getting a lopapeysa. Well, they sell them everywhere, and that was a little overwhelming for me. I was nervous about the authenticity and quality of the sweater. I also got overwhelmed by all the choices of colours and patterns. In the end, I went to the Handknitting Association of Iceland shop, which I thought was a nice concept. As one would expect, I spent a couple hours there hemming and hawing. Getting opinions from anyone and everyone. Narrowing down my options. Feeling conflicted about my choices. But in the end, I'm happy with what I walked out with. The sweater is a little itchy, but I tend to layer it, so it's not quite so bad. Not sure if that's something that will diminish with time.

When traveling, I often visit concert/opera halls. Typically, these venues are pretty spectacular on the inside and outside, and the Harpa was no exception. I didn't have a chance to take a tour of the building, so I'll have to keep that on my list of things to do next time I'm there. The architecture is pretty incredible.
The kind of honeycomb-esque glass structure looks great from the outside and inside. In the evening, the building is lit up with different colours. It's right in the harbour, so the backdrop is incredible. I imagine it would be pretty breathtaking in the evening. Even during the daytime, it was gorgeous. I could imagine just bringing a book to read, and sitting with the sun shining through the glass. What a neat space.

Geysirs
Not just a beautiful store, there were legit geysirs in Iceland. I think this was the first time that I'd seen geysirs. It was kind of fun standing around in the cold waiting...and waiting...and waiting. And then whoosh! Everyone had their cell phones, video recorders, and cameras at the ready - just hoping to catch that moment when the geysir erupted. In fact, there were groups of photographers (seemed to be an organized group) with all of their cameras set up on tripods just waiting. I guess taking pictures of a geysir would be a skill!
Geologists must love Iceland. And I wish I understood more of the discipline to truly appreciate the country. Geothermal energy was a common phased that I heard on the trip. I guess I have been to other places with this phenomenon, but it just seemed so much more prevalent here in Iceland. I have a rudimentary knowledge that the core of the earth is super hot. And it just boggles my mind that there's bubbling water underground. These (kind of) calm looking pools of water are in fact death traps. Ok, fine. The steam does give you some clues, but the other parts which aren't steaming really do look harmless. Doesn't that just look like a dainty stream? Nope. The rock says beware!

Waterfalls, waterfalls, and more waterfalls
I mean, waterfalls are beautiful, but they aren't astounding to me. I wonder if growing up with Niagara Falls has any affect on that. Don't get me wrong, they are natural wonders, but by the second waterfall, I wasn't sure if I needed to see any more. Perhaps it would have been a little different if it weren't the winter. Apparently in the warmer months, there was an option of walking behind one of the waterfalls (the Seljalandsfoss, here to the left). But wait, I've done with in Niagara Fall too. Hmm.
These next pictures are from the Skógafoss waterfall. In terms of the height and volume, the waterfalls were impressive, but I guess just looking at them from afar isn't as exciting as waterfalls that I've heard you can swim...especially if you've seen many waterfalls before. The neat thing about the Skógafoss waterfall is that you could walk up pretty close to the base of it (you could also climb stairs to get to the top - which was nice to get a little workout in after sitting on the bus for a long time).
As it was winter, much of the water surrounding the base of the waterfall was frozen. I suppose due to the splashing of the water and misty droplet, the ice has a pebbly kind of quality. It was fun to shuffle and slide along the ice and feel the texture of it. It made for a really neat icy wonderland.
While I may not sound the most enthusiastic about the waterfalls, it was still pretty magical to see little waterfalls craved into the side of a rock face or mountain. As we drove past on the bus, it made me wonder how long these waterfalls had been there, how long they took to develop, and what they would look like in ____ years. Nature is pretty impressive.


Black sand beach
Another out of this world experience was visiting the black volcanic sand beaches in of Reynisfjara. Do a little bit of googling to see images of the beaches and the iconic basalt columns. Un. Real. This would have also been a cool destination to be over the course of a day - to see it in different light.
I had this weird mind-trippy moment when we arrived to the beach (this picture here is of the Three Trolls, or Reynisdrangar). I was walking along on the black sand, and it's literally black. So I don't associate sand with the colour black. I was staring at it, and I honestly had a moment where I thought I was walking on asphalt. Like, I kept looking down thinking that this was a fresh layer of asphalt (but somehow more fine grained) than just hadn't been steamrolled yet. Then, I finally knelt down to touch the sand. And yeah, it felt like sand. It was so bizzare. It felt like sand, sort of looked like sand, but my brain wasn't ready to accept it as sand.

Food adventures
It might be affordable to get to Iceland, but once you're there, things are expensive. Everyone I spoke with emphasized this, and commented on the cost of food. They weren't exaggerating. Meals would be at least $50. I had a soup for lunch on the last day of the trip, and it was $30. It was a really good soup (lamb stew - one of the items that was on my list of things to try), but still. $30!!! 

Other items on my list included:
- puffin
- whale
- lamb
- fermented shark
- dried fish
- skyr 
- black licorice

In the end, I was too frugal to get a rack of lamb or anything more significant than the lamb stew (including a sheep's head). Next time. The whale, I found out, really varies depending on how it was prepared. I had gone to a seafood shack earlier in the trip that was recommended to have a good lobster (well, technically langoustine) soup (it was good), and saw whale on the menu, so ordered it. It tasted similar to liver. I mentioned this to someone local, and she immediately told me that it hadn't been prepared properly. Later in the trip when I went to another recommended restaurant, I tried whale again, and it was a much better experience. It was here that I also tried puffin (similar to duck). AND I tried the hákarl. This stuff is legendary. I wasn't really sure in what context I would be able to try it. I didn't think that I would purchase it from a store. I had been warned about the intense ammonia smell (and taste?!?) so it would have been a little crazy risking it in my hotel room. In the end, I was telling the waitress about how I wanted to try it, and she kindly offered me a cube. 
It was literally a 1cm square cube, and that was all I really needed. It was served frozen, as was explained to me, the way to keep the odor at bay. I was instructed to wait for the cube to thaw before eating it. And as it thawed, the smell did come through. It was interesting. It smelled like ammonia, I could feel the ammonia vapour in my nose and back of my throat. But it tasted fishy. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. But that smell. Wow.
I also went to this popular hot dog stand. I got the hot dog with all the toppings (except for raw onions - those give me a headache) and it was pretty tasty. Sweet mustard, remolade (mayonnaise), ketchup, and the bonus fun topping: fried onions. It was also a lot more affordable than other food options, so I have to admit that I had a hot dog for a couple meals.
Skyr was something that I picked up at the grocery store to try. The plain kind was obviously flavourless and a little bland. Kind of yogurty, kind of not, it was a good breakfast and snack that I often brought with me on my bus tours.
I don't really get why folks in the Nordic countries like black licorice so much (especially when it's salty), so I was skeptical when people told me of the popularity in Iceland. Luckily, when it's covered with chocolate, it's a little bit more palatable. It also didn't seem quite as salty as I remember it being when I tried it in those other countries. I basically went into the Bonus store and got one of every Lakkris option. The classic chocolate covered licorice, the ones with a marzipan center (ok), the ones with a licorice powder coating (gross), and the ones with a caramel center (yum), and even the one with the spicy powder coating (yuck).
Also at Bonus, I picked up some Harðfiskur. I probably should have gotten a smaller packet (because it's still sitting in a cupboard in my kitchen), but maybe I'll suddenly get a craving for it and be glad I have it. 

The Blue Lagoon
The Blue Lagoon is one of the mega-touristy things. And with mega-touristy things, you never know if it's going to be "worth it". People had told me that going to local swimming pools should instead by a priority, so I wanted to make sure that I did both. 
As I said before, Iceland is unreal. Like, the local swimming pools are heated geothermally. The hot water that comes out of taps is heated geothermally. I was told that the cold water is actually cooled down. Like, it's backwards from what we're used to. "Regular" water is hot, so they need to put effort in to generate cold water. The local swimming pools are a combination of swimming pool and hot tubs. And everything is outdoors. So yeah, I'm visiting in the middle of the winter, but swimming outdoors. But of course, that's fine, because the water's so warm! The location that I went to had a bunch of different pools/tubs - each indicating its water temperature. One with lanes for swimming (again, so weird to be swimming outdoors in the winter, but in water with a perfectly comfortable temperature - 37 degrees), one for tots to wade in (32 degrees), a pretty normal-ish hot tub with a bench around the perimeter and water jets (39 degrees), a hot tub that was basically a foot and a half deep (and seemed to be the perfect depth for lying in) with this kind of lip thing on the edge (perfect for resting your head) (also 39 degrees), and then a series of smaller tubs of varying temperatures (12, 39, and 44 degrees). Of course, I had to try all of them. It was obviously chilly going from tub to tub. The warm water was really comforting in contrast to the cold winter air, but in fact, I found most of the tubs a little too hot for me. The cold tub was a little much for me (I could only manage standing up to my calves in it for a short period of time before having to dash to to a warmer pool), but hopefully it did at least a little bit of what it was supposed to do and get the old blood flowing out of my feet which were so tired from walking around throughout the trip. There were also steam rooms, but I tend not to enjoy those, so I didn't really make use of them. I had gone one a weeknight, and perhaps only and hour and a half before they closed and the place was packed. People of all ages - groups of friends, families, tourists, locals...you name it. I think me favourite was lying in that one shallow pool and just staring up at the stars in the night sky. It was an unforgettable experience.
But the Blue Lagoon. The trip was relatively last minute, and as soon as it was confirmed (maybe two weeks prior), I went on the website to try to book a ticket. Things were pretty much already sold out. And of course it wasn't cheap. I decided to go with the most basic package (which I think was perfectly fine in the end) and shelled out additional cash to get a bus ticket to get there (as it's not close to the city). On the bus ride there, I fell asleep (I'm like a baby in a moving vehicle). When I woke up, I literally felt like we were on another planet. The landscape of Reykjavik looks kind of, I don't know...normal. It's by the water, there are cute cobblestone streets, some interesting buildings with architecture that's different from what I'm used to, mountains in the distance, some greenery, some snow...you know, normal. But I woke up to what I imagined Mars would be like. Well, maybe not Mars because it wasn't red, but like, it literally looked like another planet. Now, maybe there are other parts of the world that look like this, but I had never experienced them before. And I had only been on a bus for about 45 minutes. 
Anyway, I wander around for a bit until I'm a little less groggy. And looking to one side, I see the terrain above. Then to the other, I see this:

I mean, seriously. It's unreal. I'm not sure if I have ever seen clearer water. And that blue. The white silica deposits really made for an incredible sight. And I hadn't even entered the Blue Lagoon yet!
The Blue Lagoon was spectacular. Worth every penny. It exceeded my expectations. I can't think of enough superlatives. It really was everything I could have imagined and then some. I basically spent the whole day there. I had wanted to see the place during the day and in the evening, so I strategized accordingly. 
After a couple hours of taking my time, exploring the different parts of the lagoon, soaking up the sun and healing properties of the water, I took a break to let my pruned skin get back to normal. I took advantage of the lounge chairs that were set up indoors, had my Skyr and other snacks, took a wee nap, and read my magazines (and, gasp, some papers for work). 
Then, when I felt well-rested (and honestly, this trip and outing was the much needed excuse to actually give myself a a little R&R and pampering), I went back into the lagoon for round 2. I got my free mud mask and drink (naturally, I opted for the Skyr smoothie - as if I hadn't had enough!) and just continued to take it all in.
It had been a long time since I remember feeling so at peace. So relaxed. Content. Both the night that I left the swimming pool and the Blue Lagoon, I felt good. I was thankful to get to that place again.

The Northern Lights
Seeing the Northern Lights has been on my bucket list. You see pictures of this colourful glow - it looks so magical. I happened to be there at a time of the year when prospects to see the lights were decent. So, like much of the rest of the trip, I booked an excursion to see the lights and hoped for the best. I got lucky. Our bus stopped at a first location where we all got out and waited around in the freezing cold. I literally was wearing all of the layers I possibly could and was still freezing. I can't imagine how cold I would have been had I not purchased my lopapeysa the day prior. I wore that wool sweater proudly for most of that trip and goodness, they are warm! Anyway, after a couple minutes at this first stop, we were told to get back on the bus and drove off to another location where there were already a couple other buses. Soon after we got there, the guides excitedly said, that the lights were visible and we all scurried off the bus to take a look.
Naively, I thought my camera would be able to capture the lights. I also thought my eyes would too. I mean, what I expected to see what what I had seen in pictures. While I did see some slight glow and moving of shapes (kind of cloud-esque, but more wavey), it didn't really have the impact that I was hoping. I use the longest exposure on my point and shoot digital camera that I have, and all I get is a black screen. So I stand there, looking at this kinda foggy-ish scene. I breathe in the crisp air and just think how lucky I am to be here, to be one with nature. 
I wander over to a gentleman who has a camera on his tripod and ask him how his pictures are turning out. The man, from Japan, has limited English so we aren't able to communicate much through verbal language. But he seems to be enjoying himself and the photos that he's taking. I ask him if I would be able to see some of the pictures and he kindly obliges. 
I take a look at the screen and there are the images that come to mind when I think of the Northern Lights. He kindly lets me take a look at the screen every so often when the colours change (and boy did they ever - greens, yellow, oranges...). I end up giving him my email address asking him if he would be willing to send me some of the images. A couple days later, I receive an email from him with a series of fantastic photos. Such a small connection between strangers and I'm feeling such warmth. It kind of reminded me of moments at the Torino game where I asked strangers to sell tickets that I wouldn't be able to use. Anyway, a big thank you through cyberspace. Although I didn't take them myself, the photos that I received are among my favourite from the trip.

Red lava fields and horseback riding 
On the final morning of my trip, I booked a horse riding tour. I love animals, and I'd heard about the special breed of horses in Iceland (look at how fluff they are!). I thought that going on a horse ride would be another great way to rest my mind, while being out in nature and also to take in yet another type of terrain of the country.
Again, venturing out of the city, we got to an area with lots of stables but also surrounding by fields. These red lava fields are apparently protected areas that cannot be build upon or tampered with. And yet again, I felt like I was on a different planet.
I don't have any experience riding horses, so the excursion made me wish that I could learn a little bit more about riding (when the horse was walking, I was fine, but when he started trotting, I had a little trouble - obviously we never even got to the point where I could experience the fifth gait of the horse).
Still, I enjoyed being in the fresh air and admiring the scenery. The Red Lava fields, I guess would be more Mars-like than the region near the Blue Lagoon. Even during our short excursion, we were able to see different type of terrain. The large rectangular area in this picture was apparently a bunker created for World War II.


Suffice it to say, I had an incredible trip. I felt like I experienced a lot in a short amount of time, yet I feel like I only just got started. And like many of my posts, I feel like this one dind't do the trip (or country) justice. I hope to be able to go back soon.

Montreal murals

Each year, Montreal hosts urban artists for Mural Festival. Montreal seems to be quite impressive in terms of its support and involvement in the Arts.While I haven't been out and about specifically during the festival to see the progress of the newest murals (these pictures are from way back in 2015), I do appreciate the urban art as I go about my daily life. It's great to see art in the city, it's impressive the scale of many of these pieces.

When I see a piece that I don't remember seeing previously, I struggle to remember what the building looked like as a blank canvas. The pieces, while they obviously stand out, also seem to fit right in. It would almost seem a shame to have a blank canvas just bursting with potential.
At times, I worry that the city will run out of places for new murals. I wonder if that's actually a legitimate concern?

I was scanning through the festival's website, and it's incredible. Sometimes I think of doing a mural hunt just to be able to see all of them, but I also enjoy just stumbling across the art as I go about my life.
I wonder what inspires these artists? I wonder if there are certain things that are more "mural-able" than others. Does everything look good scaled up?

I also am interested to understand more about the artists' process. What skills have they developed to be able to do their work? What kind of mathematical reasoning is taking place? And how much of it is unconscious? A couple years ago, I had the opportunity to get to know an urban artist who started describing his process to me. It was clear that there was a lot of mathematical thinking, but he was adamant that there was none. And this is something that exists in many different contexts (why do I feel the urge to cite different sources here - NO! This is not an academic paper!).
Anyway, I'll probably wait until the weather gets nice again (which won't be for a long time - sigh) before I actively try to go on a mural hunt. No doubt that plans for the 2019 edition of the festival are already well underway. I wonder what spaces will be used for this year's murals.

H.E.R. - I Used to Know Her Tour

I haven't been a concert person. In fact, before this recent experience, I had only attended one concert - New Kids on the Block when I was in Grade 5. A group of classmates were going, and I thought it was the socially appropriate thing to do. An my parents decided to send my brother along, I assume to ensure that I would be safe in the crazy crowds downtown. Anyway, neither my brother nor I were particularly interested in the music or the band. And the venue was so large that NKOTB were just little figures bopping around on a stage far away. I wonder if that experience was the impetus for me now being willing to splurge on shows/event.

Actually, now that I think of it, I have been to a couple more shows. In undergrad, there were some concerts related to Frosh Week and other university-shenanigans. None of the bands were particularly to my taste, but again, I went because that's what you do. Wait, and I've been to some concerts as part of the Montreal Jazz Festival and other festivals in different cities.
But I haven't paid to attend many concerts. I think the NKOTB one was the only one I needed to pay for the ticket.

So, I recently had the opportunity to attend a concert. Let's be clear, I'd never heard of the artist before. People have commented on how they find it strange that I don't listen to music. When out and about, a lot of people have headphones on...so I guess it's pretty normal for people to have a soundtrack for their life. I guess my soundtrack is my own thoughts and general city noise. Or, people marvel in the fact that I don't have a stereo or any decent music playing device in my house. I appreciate it when I visit other people and there's music playing, but I guess I just haven't put it into my own life. And when I do listen to music, I don't think I'm on the cutting edge of things. So, yeah. I had never heard of H.E.R. before. But I'm game for experiences and outings, so I went.

Upon arrival to the venue, a couple thoughts crossed my head:
1. I feel old
2. I feel unhip
3. I like being surrounded by diversity

The concert was great. I was perplexed because the tickets themselves has seat numbers on them, but that clearly meant nothing. It was cool being surrounded by people who were singing along to songs that I'd never heard of. I liked the music. It was interesting to think about the choreography of the whole show. The role of the supporting artists, cameos, the band, the visuals, the progression of songs, the choice of the artist playing the guitar. The songs seemed more varied than I thought - like, I wouldn't have thought that all of the songs were by the same artist. There were some songs that I liked better than others, but in general, I had a good time. The venue was cool. Small, but not too small. You could go on the main floor or up into the balcony. It was held at what used to be the Metropolis - which back when ON kids used to go to QC to party (I guess they still do so, but I mean, when my generation of ON kids used to go to QC to party), was a place to go.

I guess I'll need to think about whether I want to go to more concerts in the future. The tickets weren't the cheapest. I mean, cheaper than tickets of other shows that I've attended, but did I enjoy the experience enough? There are no bands that I love enough that I would know all of the songs. I'm an old lady with a broken body, so standing for long periods of time isn't pleasant. I think I enjoyed the people watching and taking in the experience itself the most, and the music, while I did enjoy it, at times ended up being background to the rest. So, we'll see!

Journees de la culture

Les Journees de la culture happen every year in QC...so I'm not quite sure why this year is the first year that I've gone since I've moved here. I think last year it showed up on my radar, but the even had already passed. So I bookmarked it and put it in my calendar for this year. Definitely at the top of my list for the event was to go to the Cirque du Soleil headquarters. I've always liked Cirque and have seen many of their shows. There's a show coming to the city at the end of the year, so if I'm around, I'll definitely get tickets.
There are so many events offered as part of Les Journees. When I filtered the list to ones in my area, the list was still super long. There were a couple open dance rehearsals that I thought might be interesting. As were workshops offered by the École de joaillerie et de métaux d’art de Montréal and the Centre des métiers du cuir de Montréal. With some other commitments that weekend, I ended up only having the Saturday to take in the festivities so I focused on the Cirque. I went to the headquarters as I'd always wanted to and it was awesome. I sat in on some open rehearsals of performers learning acts of touring shows, walked through the costume departments, and even tried my hand at plate spinning (success!!!) and the diabolo (not as much). On the Cirque property was a massive garden (kale, brussels sprouts, eggplants, squash...) and some apple trees. Strangely, that was the most impressive part of my visit.
Just across the street was the École nationale de cirque, which also opened its doors for the weekend. There, I got to watch some of the senior students put on performances that were in the works for their final end of the year show. I try to go to the end of the year shows every year. The productions always good, and the prices so affordable as compared to shows put on by professional companies. Anyway, many of the performances seemed to include a contemporary dance vibe to it. I wonder if that's a current trend in the field or maybe it's coincidental that the performers all have that component in their work. Maybe it's strategic to show that they are a multifaceted performer for when they hit the job market. Already impressive, I wondered what differences there were compared to the professionals already hired by Cirque.
Anyway, it was nice to get out in to the city and have an extra opportunity to appreciate the arts. Hopefully it will be a regular event in my calendar each year.

Cremeux (le) Kaltbach

The cheese sampling still continues. I seem to have settled into hard cheese. Although I started with brie and for some reason thought that "real cheese" was supposed to be soft and slightly stinky, I'm now at a point where I'm going to keep trying different things, but I kind of have a "type" that I like, so why not stay in the same vein for awhile? Actually, what I've tried to do recently is buy one hard and one soft cheese each time, but once in the shop, it's hard for me to actually take the plunge if when tasting, it just seems to make sense to buy things that immediately taste better to me.
Anyway, I seem to like creamy cheeses. For the hard cheeses, there's more of a variety that I like. Salty, nutty, fruity...I don't seem to like the cheeses that are a little sour.

Anyway, This time, I got Cremeux (le) Kaltbach. A Swiss cheese, the Kaltbach is quite mild, but creamy. It's pretty nondescript otherwise. I guess some might find it a little boring, but for me, it's an easy cheese to have with bread. Maybe add tomato and/or salad. I just imagine adding this to my traditional picnic repertoire.